Here's to the intellectualizers. You know who you are.
It's okay. I'm one, too. We're the overthinkers, the naval gazers, the excessive self-reflecters. Ever since I can remember, I've lived with the exhausting impulse to overanalyze things. Especially in times of stress, struggle, and grief. The more potential pain, the harder I scrutinize.
"What does it mean? How can I understand it? What can I do with it? What can I learn from it?"
I have to be honest; sometimes I wish my inner monologue would just shut. it.
What is Intellectualization?
In psychology, intellectualization is considered a "defense mechanism." Perhaps you've heard of other more commonly discussed defense mechanisms, such as denial, repression, or projection. Or maybe you're hearing all these terms for the first time.
A while back, we wrote a general article about defense mechanisms and described them in the following way:
"Defense mechanisms refer to behaviors used to protect oneself from unpleasant thoughts and emotions like guilt, anger, shame, and jealousy. Some people find these yucky emotions so unacceptable that they will unconsciously employ defense mechanisms to prevent themselves from ever having to acknowledge or experience them."
We even touched briefly on intellectualization in that article:
"When a person is confronted with painful or frightening emotions, they might try to intellectualize them, rather than actually experience them. In this way, they avoid making contact with their feelings by examining them from an arm's length away."
More specifically, intellectualization, as a defense mechanism, describes how a person might respond to distressing and uncomfortable situations and emotions by excessively thinking about and analyzing circumstances so that they can experience them through a "thinking" lens.
By stepping back from emotion in an analytical way, you attempt to keep it at arm's length. Like a scientist studying a dangerous animal in a cage, you stand on the other side of a barrier and observe rather than interact.
What is the problem with intellectualization?
Being a thinker doesn't inherently preclude feeling. In fact, deep down, one seldom exists without the other—our thoughts make us feel things, and our feelings make us think things. The problem with intellectualization is that when people use it as a defense mechanism, they don't allow both sides to exist; instead, they use thinking to distance themselves from emotion.
Without realizing it, thinkers can gravitate toward their cognitive comfort zone and immerse themselves in their quest to analyze and understand. So, if you know you're prone to intellectualization, it may be helpful to note how you're experiencing and processing things in the moment. Some might find that they've shifted from being a character in their story who feels things and engages with the world to more of a narrator who describes the events unfolding from a removed distance.
Is Intellectualization Always Bad?
We here at WYG are textbook intellectualizers, so we'd never say it's all bad. Especially not when it comes to grief, when we know that many grievers gravitate towards thinking, doing, and rationality in their grief coping. If this sounds like you, we recommend you read our article on intuitive vs. instrumental grievers.
Some people feel that intellectualizing gives them a greater sense of understanding, which, in turn, helps them feel more in control. After experiencing loss, so much can feel changed, destroyed, and off balance, so having this increased sense of mastery can be helpful.
Intellectualization also helps you learn new things. Of course, this can assist with handling practical matters and problem-solving. But more importantly, it can help you gain new insights into yourself and others. Understanding emotional responses, grief concepts, human behavior, and many other related things can help you have more compassion for yourself and others and discover new pathways and ways of responding to the things that happen in your life.
Finally, a dose of intellectualization can help people process their emotions in a manageable and thoughtful way. Feeling your feelings is good, but it's even better when you balance them out with thoughts and reason. As dialectical behavioral therapists will tell you, sometimes, when we are too caught up in emotion, it's good to try to connect with what they call "Wise Mind." Wise mind describes that sweet spot where our actions, judgments, and decisions are guided by both our emotional and rational minds, rather than one or other.
A last word...
Avoiding your feelings not only doesn't work, but it also disconnects you from the complete truth of your experience—a truth that won't disappear simply because you choose not to acknowledge it.
Intellectualizers are often people who seek insight, meaning, and understanding. These are all good things to find in grief, but many people will tell you you can't skip right to them. They usually take time to discover, and it's often only through one's struggle with painful emotions and experiences that they can find the deepest and most meaningful truths.
If you want to get more in touch with your emotions, try our article: 4 Ways to Get in Touch with Your Grief
If you want to learn more about avoidance, head here: What is Avoidance Behavior? An Explainer
To read more about emotions, check out: Emotions Aren't Good or Bad. They Just Are.
The post Intellectualization in Grief: Defense Mechanisms Demystified appeared first on Whats your Grief.